To blog or not to blog...that is the question...
I'm currently at the Bei Jing airport right now awaiting my flight back to TW. As I've said I recently have been fasting for 21days. Really wanted to clear my head from everything, all the noise of the world. Physically, and digitally. So started the 1st Week was fruits and vegetables, week two and three was water/juice/vitamins. Some people asked my what for? Some people thought I was crazy, and some people got mad at me. The reason for this fast was for clarity, peace in my heart, restoration for my soul, to rid off baggage from the past. It is very interesting how God will answer your prayers and bless you in ways you never even expected. The fast overall was great~! I feel more healthy, more clear, and stronger physically, and spiritually. Even though I started looking like a skeleton. I really enjoyed it, and actually wanted to continue for 40 days like Jesus did. But I only recommend people to fast when they have less work on their plates. I started shooting the movie "Waiting for you" on the 1st till the 19th, this time it was mostly acting, not that much action so I thought why not. It will be very interesting to see where God leads me on this.
On the second day of the liquid fast, man I thought to myself...I'M TIRED, AND HUNGRY~ it's such a long day of shooting, it's late..how am I going to last 12 more days? (the devil really doesn't want me getting closer to God) Hahaha...it was pretty intense, so I started to draw strength from the Lord through prayer, and then all of a sudden when I least expected it...BAM! The hunger went away, I had a sudden burst of energy, and not long after the director called it a day.
I'm reading "After God's Own Heart" by Mike Bickle, and the next day I just so happen to land on the chapter about fasting. Coincident...I think NOT! Throughout my fast I thought I would receive answers directly as I did last time I fasted, but God has such wonderful mysterious way of reveal answers to us. My prayer time became longer, it went from 1 hour, to 1 hr 40 min, to 2 hrs. It wasn't all gravy though...last year when I prayed I was able to feel God's presence with me within a short amount of time. But lately, when I felt I needed Him even more so...I couldn't! It was more difficult, my mind would be filled with all these different thoughts popping in and out. I wouldn't be able to get the tingles throughout my body, and I would just sit there in bed, with my palms facing up, thinking to myself...wtflip~! God where are yoU! But then I realized...it's not about feeling, it's not about seeing, it's about FAITH! Faith is Fact! So then I called out to the Lord, saying FATHER GOD...I DON'T FEEL YOU...BUT I KNOW! I KNOW THROUGH FAITH YOU ARE RIGHT NEXT TO ME RIGHT NOW! Sometimes He answered and sometimes He would let me sit there a little longer. hahaha...but through it all, in the end....I believe my inner man has become stronger.
The miracle-
I finished shooting the movie on the 19th, and during the shoot I was invited to the HK film award show at the very last minute. At was hesitant at first whether or not I should go, because of the time frame I had to work with for a performance. But then I thought why not, it should be fun. Soon after I agreed, they changed the performance rundown, and I thought well I don't really feel like going anymore...but they pleaded with me, and all of a sudden the pressure was on me, like their whole opening counted on me going. Honestly I'm not making this up. So I thought, well I already agreed, and God has His plans of doing things...ok just go with it. So I agreed. I really didn't have time to plan for the performance, and I didn't know what to expect. Especially since the morning before on the 18th I woke up with massive stomach pains and had to use the washroom twice before going to shoot in the evening. I immediately bbm'd my pastor's asking them to pray for me and seeked their advice. They told me to start eating if the pain continues. I took some meds and laid in bed, praying the entire time till I had to go to work. By the time work came around I felt better, weak but better. We shot from evening of the 18th till 4am on the 19th. Then book'd it to the hotel showered, and started the journey from Gwong Dong China, to HK. A 4 hour car ride, which I only slept 1 hr. Reached the hotel, tried to sleep but got only another hour before I woke up for rehearsals. Went back to the hotel to get another 1 hr sleep with all the things clouding my mind. The show tonight, what am I going to perform? What are the lyrics they wanted me to sing again since they changed…My mind was all over the place. That's when I said FLIP THIS~! I got up and started to pray.
I realized the only way I was going to clear my head, was through the peace that only God can give me. It wasn't easy, I pushed my way through over an hour of prayer time to reach that peace. And then it all became so clear to me...tonight's performance is not about the fact that it's the 100th annv. of the award show. It's not about the many people who will be there, it's not about the millions who will be watching, it's not about anything of this world. It's about, and should always be about HIM! God, all is for Him, to Him, by Him. Everything that is going to happen tonight is because God planned it. I told the Lord, if I should fall flat on my face tonight, it's all good. It's because you want me too! So that night I really just let go, and said to myself this is all for God. For His glory, my own little performance to Him for Him.
I thought it was going to be great! I thought God's gonna grant me to have a perfect performance. That was completely my pride talking. Hahaha...I mean I literally had only slept 3 hours in 1 hr segments in 2 days. Have not eaten in 12 days, and I'm about to perform. So that time came when I was on stage before I even realized it, singing and dancing my heart out to whatever was going on in my mind. I made the dance routine up literally as I was walking the red carpet. So the end result? Me enjoying being on stage dancing for God and only God in front of the world to see. (I'm smiling right now...for God is soo good. And has such a great sense of humor)
Throughout this fast, what I got from it, was that even my prayers weren't answered the way I expected. As it happens like that often, but they were answered never the less. I became stronger in the spirit, and what came with that, was my way of thinking was changed. How I viewed things was different. It wasn't about the little things of this world. Life has so much more to offer than just what's in front of me. At the last day of my fast I was packing to go boxes to eat at midnight during dinner (when my fast ended) with an auntie friend of my parents.
She was telling me stories about her husband being in the hospital for over a year in a coma. As I heard this I felt it in my heart to go pray for him. So as I went to the hospital to pray for my auntie's husband who's been in a coma for over a year. I didn't know what to expect. All I knew was that I wanted to pray for him. I went into the room, and the emotions that I felt where unreal...I didn't even know why I was feeling that way. So I placed my hand on his hand, and prayed for I dunno how long, but before I even spoke 3 words I started to cry. And that night I after I prayed for him, I couldn't sleep. I was in bed tossing and turning, not knowing why....and then all of a sudden I sat up, and had an over whelming feeling of sadness. Then I couldn't stand it, the tears just suddenly began to fall. I didn't even realize what was going on, why I felt like this until later on when I told my pastor about the whole experience. He told me I was feeling God's heart...that God shared with me His heart. His sadness for them. I was weeping for my aunt. How strong of a woman she is, and how sad of a situation she is in. All in all I've learned so much within these 21 days. And above all…I God shared with me such a wonderful and precious thing. His heart. I’ve never felt closer to Him. Thank you God, and thank you guys for always being there for me. I know this was a long one...but it's been awhile since I wrote.
Oh and by the end of the movie shoot...2 of the hair stylist accepted Christ into their hearts! Amen! GOD IS GOOD.
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本帖最後由 qq545048456 於 2009-5-2 10:16 編輯 ]
